I Want To Break Free

By Budi Sambora

“I’m sorry, mother. I can’t accept someone to marry with this time,” Jack said to his mother.

“She’s the best for you, Jack. Don’t you believe me?” his mother had been trying to persuade him. But Jack just kept quiet.

It was a hard thing to decide. He really understood his mother wanted him to get married soon, because he was considered as mature enough. Besides, he was the last child in his family. His two older brothers had got married. And today, his mother asked him to get married.

“You know me, mother. I’ve never been close to any special woman. I still need time for that.”

“Oh, my son. Look at yourself. You’re thirty years old. It’s enough for you.”

“But, I still need time, mother.”

“Learn from your father and me. We had never met before and we had no dates. But we can have been living together until this time,” she explained.

“It’s different.”

“No. You’re more educated than us. It’s not difficult for you to adjust with your wife,” his mother did not give up. She looked at him with a little smile. Jack took a breath.

“How about if I can’t?” he was trying to bargain.

“Positive thinking, my son. If you do your best, every thing will work fine,” convinced she. Jack shook his head. He hardly comprehended what his mother explained.

“Give me time to think it over, mother,” he then left her alone.

He went to his room and laid down on the bed, closed his eyes. His hands touched a pillow and put it on his face. He kept thinking of his mother’s idea. She had shown him a photograph of a girl. He thought he was lucky to marry her. She was young, successful, and pretty. But he got confused. He had never been involved in a serious relationship with a woman. Most of his time he spent was for study. He had gone to Universitas Indonesia majoring in medical faculty. It took his time a lot so that he had no time for a date. His parents were proud of him. They taught him hard. They always told him not to have a girl before finishing his doctor. And he was not bad really. Many young girls approached him, but he preferred his desk and books. No time passed by without reading, studying, doing homework, or practicing in the labs.

Jack got up of his bed, walked to the window and opened it up. He was looking at the stars in the sky.

“If I were one of the stars, I would be pleased. People would enjoy me without my having to pay attention to them,” he spoke to himself. “I would always make them happy, become their friend when they were alone and I wouldn’t have to choose.”

Jack closed his eyes. He could not refuse his mother’s want. He was always obedient to her. He never argued with her before. But this time, he was put in a difficult position. Marriage for him was not just living together or bringing up children. He needed to learn a woman, her characteristics or her way of thinking. He found many of unprepared young couples failed in their marriages because they had never thought what they were going to face later.

Jack was almost about to shout when he heard the knocks at the door.

“Jack. Are you still awake?” It was his mother. Jack was just standing for some time.

“What is it, mother?” he asked reluctantly.

“May I come in and speak with you?”

Jack then opened the door and pleased his mother to come in.

“Jack, I guess you’re right,” the old woman sat down on the bed. “We, especially I – your mother – have asked you many things and you have done those well.”

It was silent. Jack’s mother looked at him wisely. Jack turned around to her and sat still.

“I think now it’s time for you to get your own. It’s your life. You deserve to have it all, my son,” she smiled, then got up and left Jack. She walked out slowly.

“Mom, …. mother!” Jack called her and the woman stopped her step. “Thank you for your wisdom. I’ve never wanted to hurt you. I’m sorry,” Jack came to his mother and embraced her with affection.

“Hey. C’mon. Give your mother a big smile,” his mother suggested.

Jack gave her his best smile as he used to do.

“And, don’t forget, Jack,” she teased him.

“What, mother?” asked Jack curiously.

“Get your date soon ….”

(to my beloved mother)