A glass of coke float in front of me had melted. Okay, this seems that the coke float was also tired of waiting. How long approximately, I dunno, maybe about an hour. Do I lack patience? It’s easy, all this uncertainty makes me sick. And now I’m like a prisoner. Waiting for a death sentence. I’m like people with HIV, who consoled myself that everything would be fine. Unceasingly I whispered a pray. Requested that what I feared most did not become a reality.
“Sorry to wait a long time.”
Fantasies shattered. So the one that I missed the most had emerged. His smile is still the same, warm. He wears a brown knit sweater that I bought as a birthday gift.
“How are you? “I asked conversationally. At first I was anxious to wring its neck. At least directly scold. But now instead I felt very weak.
“Fine. ”
Quiet. My watch alarm went off. It was now 2am.
“And I’m sorry, too, if I decide. . . “Interruptions from his cell phone voice ringtone.
“In a minute, I lift the phone first.”
Sigh! Apparently all these interruptions will never stop. I know for sure, who’s calling at unusual times such as now. ”
I decided to stop fighting for our relationship.” He said without preamble. God, my world seemed to collapse, what’s this? Why this sudden? I should not be surprised, because this is the worst possible thing that has been prediction.
“I love you, and I know you feel the same way. “he continued.
My tears uncontrollably. I hate to cry, let alone in front of man.
“Please, never give up on me. On us!”
“Sorry,but I can’t. You must understand. You without me will still be you. While she could not without me. ”
“Why must I sacrifice?” I asked in a choked voice.
“Because she needs me.”
“While I am?” ”You definitely could. Because you are strong. You’re a great woman. I wish you would be happy.”
“Wouldn’t, without you.”
“Yes, you can.”
He leaves me.
Alone.
By anindita, on September 22nd, 2010
published on Ubud Writers & Readers Festival 2010
republished here by permission
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